Follow Up to WATERmeditation with Brad S. Lutz
“Finding a Cure for Loneliness”
Monday, January 27, 2025 at 7:30pm ET
WATER is grateful to Brad S. Lutz for leading us in meditation “Finding a Cure for Loneliness” and teaching us about the beauty of solitude, as well as being in community. This opening meditation theme for 2025 reminded us to focus on the positive things around us, no matter how fraught the context may be. Solitude is a healthy choice.
The video can be found at: https://youtu.be/_bbe-f3oIL0.
The text of Brad’s remarks which he shared generously follows:
I thought initially that I’d be doing this meditation in February, so I considered a Valentine’s Day theme. However, my snarky disposition focused first on expressions of overly sentimentalized, gushy love. But then I thought of those for whom there will be no roses, no Hallmark cards, no chocolates. I thought about loneliness.
I confess that I’m privileged: I live with a loving partner and have good friends, family, and a robust church community. Yet, sometimes I feel lonely. Perhaps you do too.
When the Creator made a companion for the first human being (cf. Genesis 2:18), She knew that we’re prone to loneliness and loneliness weighs heavily on the soul. The recent US Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy (Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World) views loneliness as an epidemic that can have lethal effects on our well-being physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In 2023, a Gallup poll estimated 52 million US adults feel a sense of disconnect from normal following the pandemic experience.
Services like Grubhub and Instacart are products of the pandemic that endure and, in many cases, sustain our disconnect. In The Answer is No, a hilarious short story by Fredrik Backman, the main character celebrates home delivery of food that’s “been cooked, transported and delivered to his doorstep without him having to talk to a single person.” But not everyone values such isolation. The challenge is – what do we do about loneliness?
In 2018, the UK appointed a Minister for Loneliness. In 2024, Seoul, South Korea, created a “Care & Loneliness Policy Bureau” to collaborate with laundromats and convenience stores to become windows of communication between isolated people and society. Psychology Today (6/1/24) listed 18 cures for loneliness including talking to strangers, volunteering, and (drum roll please) doing more things with people (duh!).
An alternative remedy comes from American poet Marianne Moore (1887-1972) who famously said “The cure for loneliness is solitude.” She reminds us that if I’m lonely, I need to keep being by myself – until I’m content being by myself. Likewise, Henri Nouwen writes: “To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude… As hard as it is to believe that the dry desert can yield endless varieties of flowers, it is equally hard to imagine that our loneliness is hiding unknown beauty.”
I think that feeling lonely is a choice. Engaging in the practice of solitude is also a choice but one that can change my perceptions and help me realize that I lack nothing; rather, I’m connected to all things by invisible forces that flow through me and never leave me alone. Surgeon General Murthy agrees: “Solitude allows us to get comfortable being with ourselves, which makes it easier to be ourselves in interactions with others. That authenticity helps build strong connections.”
Such solitude is a blessing because it opens a passage to wonderful possibilities for creativity and a deeper connection to the community. “True belonging,” writes Brene Brown, “requires us to believe in and belong to ourselves so fully that we can find sacredness both in being a part of something and in standing alone when necessary.”
While your meditation will take you where it will, you might consider these questions:
- Can you imagine loneliness as a gift in disguise?
- What does the practice of solitude look like for you?
- How do you balance the pull for solitude and community?
May these moments of solitude and meditation be a blessing for you.
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Many of the participants were deeply touched by Brad’s take on how to deal with loneliness. Here are some comments:
- Practicing solitude can help with human interactions and build better relationships. Optimism and a sense of well-being are welcome.
- The visual of the tree, the little bird, and the human together were perceived as healing. Such care for creation is part of many faith traditions, for example, Islam.
- Finding a balance between solitude and socializing is a challenge worth pursuing.
- Sometimes one feels selfish when setting aside time for solitude. But it is a discipline worth cultivating. Having a set time, like early morning, can encourage a regular practice of solitude.
- Sometimes the loss of a partner or family member forces one into solitude. On occasion, that solitude can become a welcome state, a way of self-care. No apologies are ever necessary for choosing solitude.
- Solitude can reset the internal compass.
- It is important to respect other peoples’ needs for solitude, even though we might not feel the same.
- The most important thing is to find a balance between solitude and socializing.
A few suggested resources:
Sarton, May. Journal of a Solitude. W.W. Norton and Company, 1992.
Weller, Francis. The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief. North American Books, 2015.
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Thanks to Brad Lutz and all who joined in the circle. May your solitude enrich you and the world.
