May 2017 WATERritual
Mother’s Day Ritual:
The Mark of the Mother Relationship
By Diann L. Neu and Hannah Dorfman
Preparation: Set your ritual space with two candles, matches, a small bowl of salt, a bowl of water, a quilt or blanket.
Having a mother is an experience uniquely common to people of all classes, races, and nationalities. It is an encounter that forms who we are; therefore, we each need to take time to integrate this relationship in our lives.
This season of Mother’s Day is a time to remember the mothers in our lives–mother(s), grandmothers, aunts, godmothers, women role models, and mother-friends. This time can bring a mix of emotions: grief after losing a mother, pain, love, expectation, anticipation about becoming a mom, joy from a shared experience, sadness about unresolved hurts, disappointment, fulfillment and so much more. It offers an opportunity to connect about joys, hurts, struggles, mislaid dreams, and good times. Our mother most likely has more influence on us than anyone else and we are marked by this relationship.
Let us think about what it means to be in relationship to the female lineage of our families.
Candle Lighting
(One person lights two candles in silence: one candle for daughters, the other for mothers.)
Naming the Circle
Recall the female lineage in your family. (Pause)
Let us pass a lighted candle, say our name, where we are geographically, and share the names of our female lineage as we acknowledge ourselves as their descendants. (e.g. I am Diann Lynn, mother of Catherine Fei Min, daughter of Mary Kathryn, granddaughter of Catherine Anna and Emma Marie, great granddaughter of Anna)
(Continue the naming until the circle is complete.)
Mothers in our families, you have named us and have given us life.
Be here with us.
Response: Our time is now.
Song: “Womanriver Flowing” by Carole Etzler, from Womanriver, © 1984.
Womanriver flowing on
Womanriver flowing on and on (2x)
Womanriver flowing on.
Womanriver, how you comfort me,
Flowing on through every century,
Flowing on to what is yet to be,
Womanriver flowing on. (Chorus)
Listen to a Mother’s Day Proclamation – Julia Ward Howe | Reminiscences, 1819-1899 (1899)
Mother’s Day is the result of more than 100 years of women’s activism that coincided with women’s suffrage and labor movements around the turn of the 20th century. These efforts of calling women to political resistance and pacifism form the foundation of our commitment to assure respect and safety for women and girls worldwide. This Mother’s Day season we are called to active resistance once again. As Hillary Clinton said, bringing the audience to their feet at the Gloria Awards, “Resist, insist, persist, and enlist. That is what we will do ….”
Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts,
whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!
Say firmly: “We will not have great questions decided by
irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking
with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be
taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach
them of charity, mercy and patience…
From the voice of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
our own. It says: “Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”
Blood does not wipe our dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
Women of the world, “resist, insist, persist, and enlist.”
Be here with us.
Response: Our time is now.
Listen to Mothers Speak
“Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.” – Oprah Winfrey | Woman’s Day (1988)
“I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I’ve done my job.” – Rosanne Barr in Susan Dworkin, “Rosanne Barr” | Ms. (1987)
“I cannot forget my mother. Though not as sturdy as others, she is my bridge. When I needed to get across, she steadied herself long enough for me to run across safely.” – Renita Weems | “Hush, Mama’s Gotta Go Bye-Bye,” in Patricia Bell-Scott et. al., eds. | Double Stich (1991)
“To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power.” – Maya Angelou | I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1970)
“In search of my mother’s garden, I found my own.” – Alice Walker | In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens (1983)
Mothers who guide us,
Be here with us.
Response: Our time is now.
Reflect on Mothers
What did you hear in these quotes? What have you learned from the mothers in your life? How will you pass on this learning?
Renouncing Mother’s Legacy
Some spirits of our mothers we need to renounce. We have shed many tears over them. Salt purifies, cleanses and neutralizes. It is said to repel certain spirits. Put salt into the water as you name aloud something that you want to renounce. This is an opportunity to let go, to give to the water something you don’t need anymore. (Sharing)
Let us return to Mother Earth this salt water which symbolizes our tears shed because of our mothers. (One woman pours the salt water into a basin for disposal later.)
Song: “Womanriver”
Womanriver flowing on
Womanriver flowing on and on (2x)
Womanriver flowing on.
Reclaiming Mother’s Legacy
Some spirits of our mothers we want to reclaim. This quilt which my grandmother made represents roots and wings, comfort and healing. I have covered myself with it many times. Come, wrap yourself in this quilt and tell whatever family story you want to share, or just take the quilt silently. (Sharing. When the sharing ceases, continue by saying:)
Let us each hold onto the quilt as we sing a lullaby.
Song: “Lullaby” by Cris Williamson, from Live Dream, © 1976.
Like a ship in the harbor, Like a mother and child
Like a light in the darkness, I’ll hold you a while.
We’ll rock on the water, I’ll cradle you deep,
And hold you while angels sing you to sleep.
A Blessing for Mothers
Let us go forth with a blessing of mothers.
Blessed be mothers and caregivers everywhere.
Blessed be women who give birth, women who adopt, women who care for children, women who love with an open heart.
Blessed be women who cannot give birth, women who choose not to be mothers.
Blessed be societies that offer health care services and economic support to all mothers and children.
Blessed be those who create all kinds of loving families.
Blessed be mothers and caregivers. Now and forever, wherever we are. May it be so.
Song: “Womanriver”
Womanriver flowing on
Womanriver flowing on and on (2x)
Womanriver flowing on.
Womanriver, how you comfort me,
Flowing on through every century,
Flowing on to what is yet to be,
Womanriver flowing on. (Chorus)
Greeting of Peace
Let us open our circle by blessing one another with peace. (Blessing)
Take Action for Mothers
- Do something special for the mother(s) in your life: make a card, send an email, make breakfast, thank her.
- Put flowers in a room she uses often: bedroom, office, living room, kitchen.
- Take a walk with your mom and connect with the universe together. Look at stars, moon, sun, and give thanks.
- Cook a beautiful, healthy meal together. Use one of your Mom’s favorite recipes. Set an elegant table with tablecloth and candlelight and enjoy the time together.
- Lobby your senator and congressperson to give women equal pay, quality childcare, a living wage, affordable health care including reproductive services, paid sick and family leave, and flexible work schedules.
- Learn about and donate to Black Lives Matter’s National Mamas Bailout Day campaign, a grassroots effort to reunite mothers and children who have been separated by an unjust criminal justice system.
- Celebrate an Interfaith Mother’s Day, read Antonia Blumberg’s 2014 article in the HuffingtonPost
- Give a gift to a charity in the name of the “mothers” in your life.
- Rejoice in mothers!
© 2017 Women’s Alliance for Theology, Ethics and Ritual (WATER). Planned by Diann L. Neu dneu@hers.com and Hannah Dorfman hannah@waterwomensalliance.org.
